Best Kept Parenting Secret

A morning scroll through Facebook and an article popped up.

"The One Top Tip to Stop Toddler Tantrums"

Hallelujah Hallelujah! It's the answer to my prayers! I couldn't open the link fast enough... I call to my husband "Scott, Scott, wake up! The Lord has sent us a message! We've been given access to the one top tip!" My husband sits up! Eyes as open as wide as my arse. We are both staring at the phone as I scroll through in a desperate attempt to find what knowledge this parenting God is going to share with me... and here it is...

"Avoid meltdowns before they happen"

HAHAHA!!!!! Are you shitting me?!

You're telling me that I should have stopped the meltdown before it happened?!

You mean the same way people should stop a car crash before it happens? Or stop a pizza before it burns? Or tidy my house before it gets dirty?

No shit Sherlock!!!!!!!!!!

I bet you're the woman that I heard tutting at me because my two year old was crying because I wouldn't allow him to buy 7 cucumbers! (Guess what, he does even like cucumber!! How the fuck could I have predicted that one?) What a terrible mother I must be? "That mother could really do with learning the one top tip to stop those tantrums" Cue the eye roll.

Take that tutter, my negotiation is so top notch I managed to leave with the cheapest option, half a cucumber. RESULT

So listen up, Parenting expert.. whatever the hell that even means!

You pray on our insecurities and worries... You tell us what we already know, to make us feel that we've failed. After all, we know the perfect way to parent so why aren't we doing it!!

Cut the bullshit please! Stop making the rest of us feel like shit! Stop the top tips, the parenting 'secrets' and the false hope, stop making us feel like we are doing it wrong by giving us a 'right way to do things'

We make parenting up for a reason. The way we do things, shapes and develops the minds of our babies. It's creates the magical bond that we have.

If you want to impress me, tell me how to hide my chocolate so that my children or husband never find it. Tell me how to drink a hot cup of coffee, wee on my own or tell me how to ease my guilt.

So here's my parenting advice....

Make it up... and survive! Have faith in yourself and get off google! Learn that it's okay to lose your shit sometimes, it's okay to cry. Remember that you're fabulous because your babies worship the ground you work on. They don't care if your Spag Bol is organic or that their milk comes from a bottle or a boob... their tummies are full. They do not care if they've stayed in their pyjamas all day, or if they watched the same movie over and over . They are safe, warm and entertained.

Cuddles, kisses, and songs. Have fun and dance, dance dance. Teach your babies to be kind and confident and let them know how loved they are. Encourage them to think for themselves and look out for others and you'll be okay. Teach them to say please and thank you and teach them that it's okay to be sad or angry, it's okay to do things wrong. Keep them safe and warm, fed and clothed. Realise that guilt, means that you're perfect because you care if you're doing it right or not! If you're out seeking parenting advice, then chances are you are not the one that needs it.

Most importantly of all, remember you already know this shit girl!!!!!

You're amazing, you don't need a parenting expert to remind you of that. Just look at your tiny humans and realise it's you that put that smile on their face... you're doing okay!


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  • Toni

    I wish wish wish I’d had this advice when I first Became a parent. Guilt and parenting have gone hand in hand for me. What a waste of precious time! Well done for writing ??

  • Sarah HIll

    This is excellent and soo true! Half of these experts don’t even have children

  • ALicia

    Beautiful and fucking hilarious at the same time Xxx

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