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A Magical Job Opportunity.

Shift pattern:
164 hours a week, Regular night shifts required, on call work with no given prior notice.

Occasional days off, depending on coworkers availability.

Duties and Roles:
Cleaner, Nurse, Chef, Sleep Trainer, Comforter, Laundry Maid, Negotiator, Stylist, Mind Reader, Psychologist, Entertainer, Personal Shopper

Experience and Training Required:
No experience needed, no additional training will be given. Please be prepared to receive regular criticisms, judgement and unwelcome advice regarding your practices. It is essential that you are comfortable to be covered in all aspects of bodily fluids on a daily basis, and must not be irritated by the sound of Justin Fletchers voice. This is not essential but will be beneficial to you.

Additional Requirements:
Sick days are not to be taken within this role. Duties and responsibilities can be reduced after 25 years of services, however this will be dependant on the clientele's needs. You will gain weight, and must allow your breasts to leak and then sag. You will be given 6 months to return to your previous weight before receiving unwanted comments. You must be comfortable to go to the toilet in front of an audience and miss occasional showers. Due to the innocence of your demanding clientele, you must refrain from calling them arseholes in public. Please note, that if you require to do anything other then this role, you must be prepared to pay the equivalent of a small mortgage to a childcare establishment, additional guilt will also be added to your heart. Your partner must also be prepared to be called a "dickhead" on a daily basis and must accept responsibility for anything that goes wrong.

Salary: Sweet FA

Rewards and Benefits:
Overwhelming moments of pride and joy, Endless Kisses and Cuddles, Fast and Too the Point Parent Sex, Get out of any Boring -Event-For-Free Card, Countless hilarious moments, Worshipped by your clientele, Instant Excuse to leave the house looking like Worzel Gummidge, No pressure to call anyone back. (Please note that these benefits must be advertised on your personal Facebook page daily)


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